Oh! I think I just wet my pants.... Embarrassed yet?

It is funny how Americans are supposed to be this group of very individualistic people but we get embarrassed so easily because we care so much about what others think about us. I think that it’s a funny contradiction because Americans and the rest of the world view America as one of the most if not the most individualistic country. But, we tend to act completely opposite of that. In the article "American Individualism-Really?" some writers saw Americans as being especially conformist and individualistic. They were individualistic in the sense of having been freed from the rule of tradition and feudal authority, but lacking those guides to behavior, they ended up slavishly following public opinion. So the reason that Americans get embarrassed is because they have conformed to the public opinions according to the writers from this article. Because of this conformity people feel embarrassment when ‘‘the expressive facts at hand threaten or discredit the assumptions a participant finds he has projected about his identity’’ according to Erving Goffman, the ‘‘progenitor of modern embarrassment research.’’ Leading from what Goffmand said about embarrassment it can be described as the shame one feels when their inadequacy or guilt is made public.

Throughout the study of embarrassment, researchers have found several different models of embarrassment which we will describe below and give some embarrassing examples of some.

Our first model is the loss of self-esteem model which holds that embarrassment is the result of a loss of self-respect or dignity as a result of the negative evaluations of others. We sometimes feel embarrassed when we loss respect from others and when our dignity is taken away due to the negative evaluations that others give us.

Example: Heather

When I was in High School, I was on the Track and Field team.  I primarily did high jump and was pretty highly ranked in our section for the event.  Being that I was doing pretty well in the sport, I decided it was time for a nice new pair of shoes.  I went into an athletic shoe store and was greeted by a few employees. They asked what sport I did and we talked briefly about track.  They asked me about how I was doing this season and my mom told them that I was one of the top jumpers in the section.  I had a pretty nice athletic reputation made for myself by the time the employees asked me to hop on a treadmill to film my running.  I found out that that was how they helped you get shoes that were really good for your individual build and running style.  I got on the treadmill and started to run.  However, what I never told them was that even though I was a big track athlete, I’d actually never used a treadmill.  When one of the employees pressed the stop button on the machine, I just stopped running. I had no idea that it would stop slowly.  Well, due to good ol’ physics, the machine took my feet out from underneath me and I essentially belly-flopped, slamming my face onto the treadmill.

As I stood up with my bruised and “treadmill burned” face, I saw the faces of the three employees who were crowded around the treadmill. They were trying so hard to hold back their laughter that they were almost crying.  Finally, one of them was able to utter an “are you OK?” with a straight face, but by then I was too embarrassed to even know how to respond! 

Our second model is the social evaluation model which states that an undesired evaluation whether positive or negative will result in embarrassment. Positive evaluation is not one that people usually get embarrassed about but it is possible to be embarrassed from this type of evaluation.

Example: Kumba
Who ever thought that one will be embarrassed by receiving positive complements from others but that's what exactly happened to me when I got a new hairstyle lately. With my new hairstyle lately, I have received many compliments from people in spaced times but then I went to a party and I was overwhelmed with all the compliments i received at once. At this party practically everyone I saw gave me compliments about my hair but after the first couple of people I started to feel embarrassed because I was getting all this attention that I really did not want. Do not get me wrong, I was appreciative of the compliments but it all became too much by the end of the party and I remembered acting all shy when I get compliments by the end of the party because I was so embarrassed.

Our third model is the personal standards model which states that embarrassment is a result of conflict between one’s behavior and one’s self-imposed ideals putting a great emphasis on the role of the embarrassed person. This model the evaluation from the self is more important than the evaluation from others of the self.

Example: Kumba

So this past winter break I went back home to west Africa to visit my family which was the first time in 13 years. When I first got there everyone was happy to see me as I was to see them but I felt that they looked at me differently.  During my first week there they treated me as if I was an egg like I wasn’t able to do anything. After a while I had to ask…Why are you all treating me like some lazy person who cannot do anything? But that was the case, they acted that way towards me because they thought that I was lazy which is the concept  they have about all Americans. Of cause I had to ask… what gave you the idea that I was lazy besides having lived the U.S since I was little…they were like the way you walk, talk and look…I was a little mad because I think that I am the last person anyone should associate with laziness. I then went on a mission to try and prove them wrong and change that concept in their minds about me. One of my uncle had a big farm and they were going to harvest  so I decided that I was going to help them harvest . To make long story short we were at the farm ready to harvest the rice in this big swamp and I was all determined to be productive but the moment I took my first step into the swamp full of rice I fell flat on my face and ended up with mud all over me and the first thing they said to me was…see, we told you could not do this…I was so embarrassed I wanted to just crawl into a hole and just die. I was trying so hard for my family to see me a non-negative way but I ended up making the situation worse. 

Our fourth model is the dramaturgic model which states embarrassment as a result of a disruption of social interaction due to a person’s inability to act his or her given social role. In this model, a person fails to follow his or her social roles that had already been set by society.

Example: Keya

In one of my classes here at UB, my first semester I had to do a presentation in front of the class. It was a fairly easy project nothing too complicated. For days I watched other people do theirs and just breeze through it. On my day I was very prepared and confident all day until I got into the class. My stomach started to rumble as I knew it was getting closer to me. When the teacher called my name it felt like my heart dropped into my stomach. As I walked to the front of my class I swear it felt like my legs were heavy and I could tell I was walking funny from how everybody was looking at me. When I finally got to the front I could barely get any words out, I kept stuttering, and to make things worst as I held my flashcards in my hands they shook steadily! It was the worst! I didn’t even get to do my full presentation and totally flunked it. Sooooo embarrassing!!!

Our fifth model is the transgression of others’ expectations model in which a person is threatened with the possibility of acting in a way that is contrary to the expectations of the other people who are present to witness the behavior. this embarrassment can be due to the person not being sure of how people expect them to act towards for example their positive evaluation.
Example: Aaron

When I was riding with my mother (and any time that we are alone really) I was just casually looking out the window and noticed a girl walking down the street. This would just be a normal occurrence at any other time, but I also noticed that she was rather busty as well.  I knew that my mom had noticed as well but she caught me very off guard when she said "my, that girl is well endowed". At that moment I was glad that the windows were closed but equally as embarrassed that it was only the two of us in the car. Having anyone;'s mom talk about someone else's breasts is awkward and embarrassing, but having your own mom talk about it directly with you is even worse. The best part is that she did the same thing on a separate occasion and to this day I still hear thesse comments coming in my head before she says them whenever we see any girl with a large chest.

As we can see, embarrassment can be caused by many different things and each model gives different analysis of why people get embarrassed. I noticed that most of the time when we are embarrassed it is due to others evaluation of us. A social anxiety like embarrassment shows us how much people care about other people’s evaluation of them even though most of us would claim that we are independent. I think that it is very interesting how our proclamation of Independence contradicts what really goes on. Maybe it’s just that we really want to be independent individual but the societal influence in our lives does not allow us to do that. The center of attention model of embarrassment states that people are embarrassed just by being the center of attention. But the fascinating thing is why then do some people want attention whiles others do not want this attention? Now that you have read about this, think about what makes you embarrassed. Does your reason for embarrassment goes along with the majority of the model, others evaluation of you, or do you go along with the personal standard model, a discrepancy between your behavior and your set ideals?

Works Cited

Brent Dean Robbins, Holly Parlavecchio. 2006. The Unwanted Exposure of the Self:A Phenomenological Study of Embarrassment. THE HUMANISTIC PSYCHOLOGIST 

Link to article: http://mythosandlogos.com/Embarrassment.pdf
Claude S. Fischer. April 19, 2010. American Individualism- Really? Made in America.

Link to article:  http://madeinamericathebook.wordpress.com/2010/04/19/american-individualism-%E2%80%93-really/

Sharkey, W. F., Park, H. S., & Kim, R. K. (2004). Intentional Self-Embarrassment.Communication Studies, 3-37.

Link to article: http://pdfserve.informaworld.com/615876_751318628_911603418.pdf